


To the Stars

by sphekso



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Astronauts, Cheating, Cunnilingus, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Lesbian Sex, Married Margot, Oral Sex, Therapy, manipulative bedelia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 09:04:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4913422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sphekso/pseuds/sphekso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Margot is about to jet off to the International Space Station on a private rocket, fulfilling her lifelong dream of becoming an astronaut. But Alana is scared, and when Margot worries too much over those fears, Dr. Du Maurier suggests some untraditional therapy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To the Stars

Margot took a sip of her tea. It was too hot, and the peppermint teabag hadn’t had enough time to steep, but the scalding sensation grounded her in the present moment. It was hard for her to focus during these sessions. Her mind tended to run off in a million directions with every word spoken: everything reminded her of something else, and that would remind her of another thing, and on and on. The near-boiling water searing her tongue dropped her back to the issue at hand.

She cringed at the burn of the tea even as she embraced it. “What were you saying?” she asked. “I’m sorry, I lost track.”

“It’s quite alright,” Bedelia said. “It’s natural for the mind to wander, especially when one has as much to think about as yours.”

“I suppose,” Margot said. She stared down her mug at the tinted water within. “But what was your question?”

“You told me your wife has reservations about your trip,” Bedelia replied. “I asked you how that made you feel.”

Margot opened her mouth to speak, hesitated, then closed it again.

“This is a safe space, Margot,” Bedelia said. “I’m strictly bound by doctor-patient confidentiality. You can tell me what you’re thinking.”

Margot set her mug on the little table next to her chair. “It makes me frightened,” she said finally. She focused her gaze on the oriental rug covering the floor. She was baring her soul now, and she wasn’t a fan of eye contact even in the best of situations.

“Frightened of what?” Bedelia asked.

“Frightened that I’m betraying the woman I love, and frightened about what kind of person that makes me.”

“Do you truly believe it to be a betrayal?” Bedelia asked. She folded her hands on her knee, legs crossed.

“I’m going against her wishes,” Margot replied. “Wouldn’t you call that a betrayal?”

“To betray we must first make a promise. Have you made any promises to break?”

Margot paused to think. “No,” she said, “I guess I haven’t.”

“She doesn’t agree with your decision. But you never promised her you wouldn’t go through with this, did you?”

Margot shook her head, eyes still burning holes in the carpet. She studied it intently, picking out the patterns in its geometry, isolating each individual shape and its relation to the shapes around it. “I told her I wanted it from the start. It’s been my dream since I was little.”

“Did she protest that dream when you intimated it to her?”

“No, but who would think to? Something like this… You would never expect something like this to actually come true. I didn’t. Papa would never have paid for it, and my brother… Well. He held the purse-strings tight.”

“And now those purse-strings are under your control, and you’ve been given the opportunity to achieve your dream. That’s not a betrayal, at least not in my eyes.”

“It still hurts me to see her that way,” Margot said.

Bedelia tilted her head ever so slightly. “What way?”

“Tearful, frustrated, angry. And afraid, too. Afraid for me and my safety.”

“Do you blame her for those emotions?”

At that, Margot looked up and into Bedelia’s eyes. “Of course not,” she said.

“So you have compassion for her. You have empathy.”

“She’s my wife,” Margot said. “If I didn’t have compassion and empathy for her I wouldn’t have married her. I love her.”

“Yet you cannot love yourself,” Bedelia said. “You can’t shine the same compassion and empathy on your own life. You blame yourself and worry over phantom betrayals. That’s no way to live, is it?”

“I guess not,” Margot said. She retrieved the mug and drank deeply. “Thank you for the tea,” she said. “It’s… calming.”

“You’re quite welcome. I find tea to be highly therapeutic.” She fell silent, waiting for Margot to steer the conversation.

“I… I’m scared of the launch, too,” Margot admitted. “I’ve wanted it for as long as I can remember, but now that it’s a week away I can’t help but stress over every little thing. What if I don’t make it back?”

“There are inherent dangers to spaceflight,” Bedelia said. “It’s only natural to recognize that. If you didn’t have a little fear you wouldn’t be very human at all.”

Margot nodded. “Fear is the human experience, right? Fear and suffering?”

“Fear is a form ofsuffering,” Bedelia replied. “But when we started our session you were elated. Where did that happiness run off to?”

“Maybe I thought too much about my wife,” Margot said. “Maybe I shouldn’t think so much about her. I should have compassion and empathy for myself like you said. Only that’s not such an easy thing to do.”

“Can’t you at least find pride in knowing you’re about to become an astronaut?”

Margot waved her hand dismissively. “It’s only a private rocket.”

Bedelia’s head tilted further, almost completely cocked now. “Don’t belittle your achievements so readily. You’ve trained just as much as anyone at NASA.”

“They earned the right to go to space,” Margot said. “I paid for it with money I didn’t even work for. Although…”

“Although?”

“There is something I’m proud of. I’ll be the first openly gay person to leave Earth.”

“Wasn’t Sally Ride…?” Bedelia trailed off.

“She only came out on her deathbed,” Margot said.

“I see. So being a lesbian is a source of pride for you?”

“It can be,” Margot replied. “Given the situation. In this situation I’m breaking new ground.”

Bedelia reached up to gently brush her hair into place, as if she’d suddenly become acutely aware of her appearance. “The Christians say pride is a sin, but it’s an important component of self-love,” she said. “Self-love… and all kinds of love.”

Margot couldn’t be certain, but she thought she caught Bedelia dart a glance at her chest. “There are very few ways that I love myself,” she said.

“Please, tell me. How do you love yourself?” And then she _did_ , without a doubt, take a brief look at Margot’s cleavage.

Her blouse was low cut and left little to the imagination. She briefly wondered why she’d worn it in the first place: she was never one to show much skin. But, as she thought about it, she realized she’d worn this particular blouse to their last two sessions as well. Before that, she couldn’t remember, but it seemed to be just as much of a pattern as the overlapping lines on the rug.

Bedelia slowly, deliberately uncrossed and recrossed her legs. Margot couldn’t help but notice a flash of black lace beneath her skirt. “How do you love yourself, Margot?” Bedelia repeated.

“I don’t… There’s only one thing, really. Only one thing I can think of.” She swallowed hard and traced her sight along the lines of Bedelia’s slim calves and shins, up to her thighs and where they disappeared into her skirt.

“What’s that one thing?” Bedelia asked. She leaned toward Margot. Her blouse hung loose on her body, particularly at the neck, and Margot could see straight through to the gentle roll of her breasts, clad in the same black lace she’d glimpsed between her legs.

Margot wet her lips. “Sex,” she said simply. “I love myself when…” she swallowed hard, “…when I’m pleasing my wife.”

“And when was the last time you pleased your wife?” Bedelia asked. A gentle smirk traveled across her lips.

“Not since before I told her I was leaving.”

“Leaving for the ISS?”

Margot gave a slow nod.

“She’s stopped you from loving yourself then, hasn’t she?” Bedelia asked, her voice as sultry as any Margot had heard. Margot said nothing, which Bedelia took for acquiescence. “From time to time,” she said, “I’ve been known to employ unconventionaltherapies.”

“Unconventional?” Margot asked. Her heart raced as her thoughts spidered off into the million directions she’d used the tea to control. But now her tea was cold, and there was nothing between them but thin layers of silk and lace. One branch of her thoughts screamed: _Alana, Alana, Alana!_ But the rest weren’t so noble.

“I could help you love yourself,” Bedelia purred. She grazed the curve of her own breast with her fingertips. “Would you like me to _help you_?”

Margot closed her eyes tight, willing the image of the seductress in front of her away, but when she opened them again Bedelia was approaching her chair. “But my wife…”

“Shhh. Don’t you remember? You’ve told me about your dalliances before. And I must say, there have been quite a few,” Bedelia said. She took Margot’s hand and gently raised her to her feet. “Why don’t you touch me now, Margot? Why don’t you please me so you can love yourself?”

“I shouldn’t…”

“Wouldn’t it be tragic to die with no sense of affection for yourself? If your rocket were to burn up in the stratosphere?” Bedelia brought Margot’s hand to her chest.

Margot let out a breath and felt the weight of Bedelia’s breast in her palm. “It would be tragic,” she said, gently roaming her hand along the curve of Bedelia’s chest, fingering her bra through her blouse. She had a thought and pulled her hand away.

Bedelia’s lips leveled out. “Is something wrong?” she asked.

“I can’t. We were just talking about betrayals. This is a big one.”

“But it’s one you’ve made time and time again,” Bedelia said. “So why not give in? Let me heal your wounded mind, even just a little.”

Margot brought her hand up to the side of Bedelia’s face. She nuzzled into it. “I’ll give in,” Margot said. “Just… don’t kiss me. Leave my lips to kiss my wife goodbye.”

Bedelia pressed her finger to Margot’s mouth and dragged her lips down along its length. “We don’t have to kiss,” Bedelia said, “but you can’t please me the right way without using your lips. And remember what you said… giving pleasure brings you pride.”

“Is it the only way?”

“If you want me to finish,” Bedelia said. She’d taken to gently rubbing Margot’s back, paying special attention to thumbing her bra strap. “You do want me to finish, don’t you? Won’t that make you proud?”

Margot nodded weakly.

“Love yourself… by loving me,” Bedelia said. She untucked her blouse and popped each button open, taking her time, starting at the top and moving downward. She reached behind herself to unhook her bra.

Margot touched the soft flesh of Bedelia’s chest, gently rolling her nipples in her palms. Bedelia sighed contentedly as Margot leaned down to suckle at her breast. She pressed down on Margot’s head, urging her to go lower. Margot sank to her knees and looked up at Bedelia pleadingly. “You won’t tell her?” she asked.

Bedelia unzipped the side of her skirt. “Haven’t you been listening? I take doctor-patient confidentiality very seriously.”

Margot helped her out of it and leaned in to nip at the waistband of Bedelia’s panties. She stripped Bedelia of her most precious garment and marveled at the wetness she found underneath. It seemed Bedelia wanted her just as badly as she wanted her. She kissed her there, lightly at first, then extended her tongue to lap at her prize. “This _is_ unconventional therapy,” she said, smiling just a smidge.

“Hush,” Bedelia said. “You want to go to the stars with a clear mind… I’m only helping you get there.”

“Helping me go to the stars by taking you to the stars?” Margot asked, fingers playing between Bedelia’s legs.

“Yes. You’re my own little astronaut.”

Margot felt a thrill rush through her at that. She’d be going to space soon, and the way Bedelia was reacting to her ministrations gave her more pride than she’d felt in months. With that pride came the confidence to understand, as she gave Bedelia’s clit a swift lick, that Alana would simply have to deal with it.


End file.
